March 5, 2010

Where is Everyone?

I feel people slowly slip away from me. The ties and connections I have to them seem so distant and only a glimpse from the past, but I know it's not. I don't know what to think of the past anymore. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just get this sinking feeling in my heart.

I know when I'm with my friends everything is just perfectly fine, and I pride myself in being able to pick up with people as if we'd never spent a day a part. I wonder if people feel weird about that? Or if they feel disrespected that I don't honor our time apart as something that should be emphasized, and that our reunion be much more of an event than it actually is.

It's almost as if I shut people out because they don't know how to get in. Does that even make any sense? It's like the more and more I delve deep into the ME who I believe is ME, the more difficult it is for others to read and understand.

Part of it all is that I'm afraid of perceiving who I am based on the ideology of other people. But then, isn't me "shutting people out" kind of an effect of cutting out other people?

I could really use some glazed donuts right about now. I wonder if Cub Foods has any... I hope they're not old. I probably should wait until the morning...

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