All I Want in Life...

All I want in life's a little bit of love to take the pain away. I think this is to an extent true for everyone, except for those who proclaim strength in independence. I'll be the first to admit that even though I feel completely capable and competent on my own, it would be so much better if I had something to ground me back down.

I recently stumbled upon a relatively new upload of a live version of "Ladies and Gentlemen We're Floating in Space" that I am absolutely in love with. The studio version itself is peaceful in it's own right but when you incorporate a choir (would that be the right term?) into it, it just makes it so heavenly.

I know the song is basically Canon in D (I think) but did Canon in D have the beeping space sound in it? Nope. That's why this song is awesome. Oh, and not to mention the lyrical simplicity helps drive home the emotion behind the song that can't help but make me stop whatever I'm doing or thinking about when I hear the song and feel the experience overwhelm me.

More on this later.


Starcraft 2

As some of you may already know, I've been playing a lot of Starcraft lately. Although I am no where near the level of awesome as many people out there are, being only in bronze league 1v1, I do find a good amount of enjoyment in the game nonetheless. Personally, I think the enjoyment factor goes up when you're playing a 3v3 or 4v4 where there really is no pressure to do well. Don't get me wrong, you want to still win but it's not as important as having fun with your friends.

That being said, my 3v3 team is silver. Yaaay.

I'm working on being a whole lot better, not because I'm trying to get anywhere in the Starcraft scene but just so I don't get owned knowing that I was being stupid on my end. I hate losing when the other person plays with such a simple strategy and I get dominated trying to do too much all at once.



I swear if I were able to better articulate my thoughts into words or really wrote things down when I think about it I would be such a "better" writer and really refine my style. I love having ideas float around inside my head as they ping off each other and explode into visions of what could be but it's not really conducive to me if I can't get it down on paper. How can you tell someone you love them without alluding to the idea that you love them? It's basically like that.

I think I don't talk the way I write because my mind moves faster than my mouth can interpret into something meaningful. The end result being me, an empty shell of sarcasm spewing up insignificant observations that sound so much better in my head but just come out as plain stupid (and hilarious).

But I like it like that, I really don't like well spoken people. Like WELL WELL spoken people. Maybe because those who I know fall into the category are just general douche bags who's only talent is the ability to cite from reading and regurgitating it out. I mean that's a fine skill and all, but don't be a douche while doing it.

It's weird cause when I'm writing, I get into this zone and my mind and hands are in 100% unison. As if my body shuts down everything else and redirects all energy towards the optimization of that specific synapse. I wonder something else as well, when creating art I am really meticulous in it's design but more natural in it's creation: but when I write something I rarely edit. This is definitely my folly and something I should really work on, since what I usually end up putting down on paper is just as convoluted as the ideas floating around my head in the first place.

To someone outside of me reading this, it doesn't make much sense and I'm pretty sure some people think I'm a little crazy or wacked out in the head. To further add to the confusion, they meet me and see who writes that crap and it's an even bigger mindfuck.

I really like the way "Between the Heart and the Synapse" was written. Eloquent but at the same time very straightforward without trying to become something that it wasn't meant to be.



My 21st birthday!
It actually happened a couple months back, in the twilight days of the year prior.

I went out, got wasted with my friends, and spent the rest of the next day trying to recover from the night of mayhem. My back was sore, my arms were bruised, and there was a giant cut across my forehead quite possibly from the snowballs we were throwing at each other after the bars let out. I can't quite remember how I got home but I think someone dropped me off and I was let back into my parent's place by my little sister I think.

The funny (or not so funny) portion about all of this is the fact that it never happened.

None of it.

I spent my 21st birthday watching Sherlock Holmes with Bentson and I think Jordan at the movie theater. We maybe went out and got some food afterwards? I'm not sure.
No one really was 21 at that time to go out with, and I don't think people know when my birthday is. Not a huge deal, the latter isn't really important to me.

Probably the biggest contributing factor is the fact that I didn't really hang out with anyone for a while. I saw people infrequently and traded social gatherings for the recluse. Aaaand it was the day after Christmas.

I'm glad I got to hang out with some friends at least, and the only thing I wish would've been different was to have the chance to hang out with more people, but that changed on New Years.

So I'll say New Years was my personal birthday party. Hung out with my closest friends and had a Cub Foods adventure with John Dragich and Ryan Hoffman.

You know how much I love Cub Foods adventures.



Jonsi. Of Sigur Ros fame.
This song makes me really happy, regardless of how shitty I feel this kind of just picks you back up.



So yeah it seems like I've been in this position many times before, high stress low calm. The past two months of being worry free were absolutely great, and now just like many things in life it all comes to a head.

Be it school, money, housing, or personal shit, it will all hit you at once when you really don't want it to. Funny enough though it truly is all my fault, be it me turning a blind eye to delay the inevitable as much as possible or just blocking out the rest of the world so I can find some piece of my own happiness.

No matter! We've been here before and this year will be the last... I say this a lot... and I say that a lot... and I said all that before... but I feel different now. Probably said something earlier to the effect that maybe I'm just masochistic because the stress and voices in my head helps my writing immensely but that was really the only good coming out of it.

It's kind of like fire, you can let it consume you or bend it to your will.
But we all know how playing with fire goes, sometimes you get burned and sometimes it goes out because your friends are incapable of keeping a campfire going but it's a good thing John Dragich is there because he'll somehow reignite it with one tiny as coal he dug from the bottom of all the ashes.

For those of you who got that last reference, you deserve yourself some ice cream. Go get some right now.


The Temper Trap

The Temper Trap is one of those bands where a song really hooked me into them but I couldn't really appreciate the rest of their work until later on when I looked deeper into what they were all about.

Not surprisingly, I was REALLY pleased with what I uncovered. "The Science of Fear" is already featured on the FIFA 2010 soundtrack and this song, "Sweet Disposition" is featured on the soundtrack for 500 Days of Summer which from what I hear is a really cute movie.

I also found it hilarious that FIFA had to edit "The Science of Fear" to remove the word "Death" and "Murder" from the line "Or watch the (slow death)/(murder) of your way of life". Not only is it incredibly distracting but completely unnecessary.

Give them a listen, you might end up liking them a lot.