March 1, 2010 : Part 2

Know Me

Being up late at night does have it's benefits. For the most part, it does more damage to my psyche, but it's the good kind of hurt. Referencing a conversation I had earlier with Nas, he brought up some really good points that made me step back and think a little more critically about myself.

confidence is a delusion of grandiose that people have of themselves. Lack of it is the ability to subjectively exist. Rationality is the art of lying to yourself. This is how I feel

I was staring at my status bar as I usually do listening to music trying to come up with a status that would either capture how I felt at the time or something that could make people smile. Those words flowed right out and to be honest with you, it makes so much sense to me.

The problem I have with confidence is the danger of your head growing bigger than it actually needs to be. It's more than just "self assurance" to me, because there are many times that I've felt "confident" and just ended up looking like an ass or I wasn't happy with myself.

I would consider myself a person who is not too confident in a lot of aspects of my life, be it Japanese, verbal communication, or girls. I try to remove myself from the pitfalls by avoiding them all together. This allows me to really take a step outside and look at myself because I feel that if I were self assured, I wouldn't need to do this. I'm constantly criticizing myself. What am I looking to gain?

Rationalization. The art of lying to yourself. The last paragraph was my feeble minded attempt to make having low confidence seem okay and a part of my human experience. It's almost as if it's the cleansing and recycle period to start over in the thought process.

It doesn't make sense, really.
But it's more fun that way.

No comments:

Post a Comment